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I used to think…

I don’t matter, I’m not enough, I’m damaged by my past – pretty heavy, I know!

I’m going to share with you my story, purely because I believe we all have a story.

I have proudly confronted, accepted and released my negative past experiences – emotionally, physically and mentally. Something I was told was not possible.

I was told many times before, ‘you will just have to live with what happened and get on with your life’.

Well, I did that for a while and it just wasn’t enough for me. I felt frustrated, unworthy and overwhelmed in my life.

I asked myself, why should I have to live with my negative past experiences for the rest of my life?

Why? I didn’t ask for it to happen. I didn’t have a choice? So why should I have to suffer?

I wanted answers. I wanted freedom and I wanted happiness.

So I started asking myself how, instead of why!

How can I overcome this? How can I change my life and how can I find my inner strength and courage?

I began searching for the answers and knew I wasn’t going to give up until I found them!

I had an overwhelming desire to not only confront and accept my past, but to overcome it. I wanted complete emotional and physical disconnection from my story.

I spent more than a decade of trying ‘it all’, until I reached a profound moment a few years back when I worked it all out!

All the answers I had been searching for… I discovered them and more. I gained my freedom and happiness too!

By completely overcoming my past I have been able to heal myself from within. No diagnoses, no medications and no quick fixes.

Now, I want to help you confront, accept and overcome your negative past experiences, so you too can live an empowered life.

But first, I would like to share with you some of my story and what I have learned through my personal experiences.

A way to inspire, relate and connect with you.

It’s confronting and direct, but I have chosen to share this with you. Disclaimer

This is a brief summary of my story…

I was sexually abused by a close family member for nearly 7 years as a child. It happened frequently, I felt scared, violated and powerless. It stopped when I was almost 13 years of age. I kept this a secret until I was 27. I suppressed my memories, feelings and emotions for much of my life.

How this came to be…

I was brought up in a disciplined household as a child, had respect for my parents and encompassed a caring, yet protective nature with my siblings. I was a ‘pleaser’, always wanting everyone else to feel loved, protected, valued and happy, little did I know how to experience this for myself.

I was an academic student during my school years, a high achiever and loved competing in a variety of sports. From school I went on to complete my nursing degree at University. I soon began a career as a registered nurse, caring for and helping others.

During my 20’s I had developed my independence – personally, financially, in friendships, relationships and my career. But, I realised I still wasn’t living a completely honest and happy life – although to the outside world no one would know my inner battle.

My secret continued to become more difficult to suppress and my feelings and emotions became harder and harder to contain. For years I had adopted various negative behaviours to cope, like binge eating and binge drinking to numb my pain, shame and anger.

It affected my emotional and mental health greatly too, but I still did everything I could to not allow others to think that there was ‘something wrong’ with me or to give them any impression of what I was really going through, I felt so ashamed.

The years passed by and I continued to suppress my emotions and feelings. I tried numerous self-help strategies, books and courses.

I also sought some professional help, only to be diagnosed and offered medications to ‘deal’ with my symptoms as opposed to confronting the underlying cause. I didn’t want a label or a pill, I wanted freedom from my past.

At the time my relationship with my father and in particular my mother had become somewhat strained since I had left home at 22. I was doing all I could to get through each day without allowing my family or anyone else for that matter know what battle I was really fighting on the inside.

Life became more of a struggle each day. I felt frustrated, defeated and overwhelmed. The constant cycles of addictive behaviours became more destructive and more frequent. I knew I had to do something, I knew my life had to change. I needed to open up and free myself of my negative past experiences.

Then at 27, I woke up one morning with this overwhelming feeling – a feeling that I needed to finally break my silence and share this secret that I had suppressed for nearly 20 years. I had to tell someone. I was exhausted of living my life feeling so trapped, frustrated and suffocated by my past.

First, I opened up to my best friend and then soon after to my father. At the time I didn’t feel connected enough to open up to my mother as our relationship was already so strained.

What happened not long after, well, I didn’t see coming. I was disowned by my mother and then the rest of my family for speaking the truth of being sexually abused as a child.

I thought at the time that speaking the truth of my past would have hopefully helped heal that strain after years of our relationship becoming more destructive, toxic and unbearable, to my disbelief it got much worse.

I felt so neglected, abandoned and had lost all sense of belonging.

I was scared, alone and felt so devastated by what had happened.

That moment where I needed the most love, support, nurture and protection, I felt everything but!

In my darkest hour, I somehow found the courage to reach out, I rang Lifeline Australia (crisis support & suicide prevention phone service – please phone 13 11 14 if you need help).

I just needed to speak with someone, I felt like I had lost everything in my life, the people I loved and cared about, even despite our differences.

I spoke to a counsellor on the phone in a state of panic, anxiousness and irrationality. I felt so overwhelmed at the time.

The counsellor did his best to calm me down, rationalise with me and advise me of how I could help myself in that particular moment.

I was pondering some very dark thoughts at the time and never thought I would experience such crippling emotions and fear.

He said, “you need to reach out, reach out to other extended family members and friends, people you feel safe and supported by, you need to communicate and open up about everything” and so that night I did!

I reached out to my extended family. We weren’t that close at the time but I felt compelled to take that step. Knocking on their door was one of the hardest, most nerve wracking things I had done – besides opening up. I thought to myself, what if I’m rejected, abandoned or turned away?

Well, I can assure you that didn’t happen, I was embraced with open arms and open hearts.

From that pivotal moment, my life began to change. I knew I was the only person who could be accountable for my life and my actions.

I also know if I didn’t follow that advice to ‘open up’ and consciously take steps to change my life, I’m not sure I would be here sharing this with you today.

From that day on I decided that I never wanted to be at rock bottom again, I never wanted to experience that darkest hour ever again.

I promised myself that I would do everything I could to find my strength, courage and most importantly learn how to free myself from living a life feeling so trapped and suffocated by my past.

It took time, persistence and a whole lot of self-belief to progress to where I am today.

Today, I live an honest, free and fulfilling life. I take one day at a time, I take care of myself first and then I help take care of others.

To know how and why You Matter is key to overcoming any obstacle and is essential in empowering yourself for life.

Let me share with you everything I know and how I can help you overcome your negative past experiences, no matter how simple, complex or traumatic they were for you.

Remember, you are not alone, You Matter!

Lizzie